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June 23, 2010

Comments

fairyhedgehog

I like this version better. One nit pick: I'm not sure that I experience sudden silence as piercing, more as muffling, deadening, that sort of thing.

writtenwyrdd

Thanks! Now I have it where I want it, I have to revise the rest of the extant story to work. My biggest problem is that this is to be a short story, but I want to use it for a novel as well.

fairyhedgehog

That sounds rather tricky! I'm sure you'll manage it though, I have every faith in you!

Charles Gramlich

I think it reads a little smoother. The opening is truly dynamite. Really throws you into the scene.

writtenwyrdd

Oh, happy dance! Thanks!

laughingwolf

i'm with fairy and charles... wowed!

cloudia

Aloha from Hawaii

Comfort Spiral

Robin

Love the contrast between the airship, magic and pastoral scene below. I really enjoy your writing!

I got a little lost in the terms during the second part. It might be the way I read things, and I have to go with the flow, more. Since it's a snippet, you might define things earlier or later. When I read "retexophage" part of me wants to pause and look it up in a dictionary.

writtenwyrdd

It's a made up word. Retexare is latin for unravel, phage is a virus that attacks a bacteria. The item itself refers to what the constructs do, which is to take apart harmful molecules in very specific ways. High tech for the far flung future, e.g. pollution control. These things eat radiation. Halfway down the page, more are attracted to the ship exhaust.

Generally, you hope that readers of spec fic will pause and see if the thing is explained in context. It may be I need a tad more of ahint there. But since I am confabbing with my nuclear science trained brother about the radiation factor, I will be revising that para anyhow. I'll try and make the term stand on its own without having to spell it out!

writtenwyrdd

that shoudl be 'retexorare' as the 'retexo' is taken from the latin root.

Bernita

I really like the bit about the gold- traced circuitry rubies at the chakra points...It really connects yourcharacter to the world.

Robin

Cool concept! (And very well explained, thank you very much.)

writtenwyrdd

Thanks, bernita! I like the idea of magic and electronics merging. Calling it tekmagick. the k's will likely annoy some folks, but I'm doing lots of k-swapping in this future world.

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